


Paranoia Clouds

by Maisie_top_trash



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Delusions, Depression, F/M, Hallucinations, Hospitalisation, Mental Illness, Paranoia, Schizophrenia, TW - Suicide, mental health, paranoid schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 04:11:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11936046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: Traffic light code: amberAnxiety rate: 8On both scales, today was a bad day. Josh just couldn't predict how bad it was going to be.





	Paranoia Clouds

As Josh climbed the fire escape stairs of his apartment block, he felt his phone buzz against his thigh. He knew it would be Jenna continuing the conversation they were having, but he didn't need her updates to know that Tyler was bad. So he ignored the message and continued up the external stair case, Starbucks coffee in either hand and beanie on his head.

When it came to the scaffolding-style metal gate at the top, Josh had no problem bumping the latch with his hip. He had months of experience tackling the task hands-free, to the extent where it didn't even slow him down.

As expected, Tyler was stood in the middle of the roof equidistant from each side. To anyone else it may have look odd, a man stood completely straight completely still in the centre of a roof, large hood pulled over his face, but Josh was used to it.

"Tyler it's Josh, I'm 15 feet behind you," he called out casually, walking to the picnic bench and sitting on the table, feet on the seat.

Josh often wondered how exactly they had put the bench on the rooftop, or why. It wasn't what you would call an upmarket area with a great view, more a crummy 5 storey block with a shady landlord who gave Josh a good deal in exchange for not being a crack addict. But it was home, and it had character.

Josh watched as Tyler turned around and very very slowly took precise steps towards him, eye contact consistent.

"Pockets," he whispered assertively once he was about half the distance away. Josh stood up on the seat and began emptying the pockets of his jeans, pulling out his phone, keys, wallet and a loose cigarette, and putting them on the bench. He then dug around his jacket to fish out a half empty pack of gum, a couple of receipts, a few dollars worth of change and his lighter. To prove to Tyler that they were empty, he turned each of the linings inside out and also patted them flat against himself.

"I bought coffee," Josh explained a moment later, sitting back down on the other side of the picnic bench to his stuff. Tyler blanked him and continued to watch from a few metres back.

"What traffic light we on today?"  
"Amber," Tyler replied. He always went for amber. Green meant he was okay, and he was never okay if Josh had to ask the question. Red meant he was far from okay, but the wary man refused to admit that he was ever anything less than slightly on edge. Amber, slightly on edge.

"Number?"  
"8," he answered, a high number for Ty. He ordinarily went for an average 6, so Josh knew he must be struggling, which always scared him.

"Want your coffee?" Josh continued the conversation, holding out Tyler's usual order for him whilst keeping his own rested on his knee. Tyler stared at the cup for a while, but Josh waited patiently for close to a minute before deciding Tyler needed prompting.

"Want mine instead?" He offered, switching the positions.  
"I can't do this trick," Tyler muttered, and Josh could almost see the cogs whirring in Tyler's head as he tried to second guess whether Josh had bluffed or double bluffed or triple bluffed him.

"Neither of them are poisoned Ty,"  
"Lie." He stated blankly, still keeping his distance, perhaps a little menacingly if Josh hadn't have known how fragile he truly was.

"K which one do you want me to sip? Left? Right? Both?" Josh said, holding up each cup as he named it. Tyler seemed to take another minute to process the trick he thought was being played before giving his answer.

"Lids off both. Left down. Test right." He ordered and Josh obeyed without hesitation. Despite the proof-gulps he almost always had to do for Tyler, he never got used to the grossly milky taste of the flat white. He wanted to wash the taste away with his extra strong Americano, but knew Tyler would only become more suspicious. So instead Josh waited for his approval.

"All safe, do you want it?"  
"You want me to want it," Tyler cautiously noted, hands buried deep in his pockets, eyes staring into Josh's skull.  
"I want you feeling safe Ty, if coffee's stopping that then feel free to throw it off the roof, I honestly don't care. It's up to you,"  
"Put it on the ground over there then walk back." Tyler instructed, pointing over to a spot a couple of metres away from both of them.

Josh climbed off the bench with the cup and walked there, conscious not to veer any closer to the paranoid man, then walked back. Tyler monitored him to ensure he sat back down properly, then made his own way to the cup. He walked sideways and didn't take his eyes off Josh, not even whilst he bent down and picked it up. And they remained locked on him when he returned to his safe base back from the bench, coffee in hand.

"Can I light up?"   
"No," the sick man told him definitively, so Josh begrudgingly tore his eyes from the little stick on the bench that he craved so dearly.

"Been up here long?"  
"I hate Starbucks."  
"You like Starbucks Ty, you always say that the bigger the organisation the easier it is to trace."  
"Wrong,"  
"Does that mean you haven't found any dirt on them?" Josh asked.  
"Yet. I will."  
"Okay, do you want me to get local coffee till you do? Or carry on with these?"  
"In 2011 Anthony Zaccaglin and his wife were awarded $7.5 million after Zaccaglin slipped on the floor of a Starbucks and knocked his head on the cash register. The floor was slick because of employee negligence - a barista had just mopped the area without placing a cone close enough."  
"Right," Josh listened whilst sipping his coffee. "Which you find dangerous because?"  
"Employee negligence. Their employees are negligent."  
"Doesn't mean they're gonna poison you."  
"It means they don't pay attention. They wouldn't know if the supplier provided spiked ingredients, or if someone tampered with the stock, or if one of the enemy went into the kitchen and made this very drink."

"That Zacca case, where was it?"  
"San Diego,"  
"It was one careless employee 2000 miles away Ty, you're safe."  
"2395 miles, but you're not listening to me Josh, it's not a matter of an individual, it's the whole company. Who was the barista employed by? Branch manager. Who were they employed by? Area manager. And them? Functional head and geographical head. Senior management. Josh it's not at base level in San Diego, it starts at the top. This, this, this thing, it runs deeper, the whole company is corrupt."  
"So you want me to bring coffee from The Bean Cafe tomorrow?"  
"No. They're worse."  
"Alright mate, well when you figure out a safe coffee place then let me know." Josh told him before taking another sip of his. Tyler's remained untouched.

"Oh I did that research into The Order of Skull and Bones-" Josh began before Tyler shushed him.  
"Not here, don't tell me, they can hear,"  
"Sorry, I forgot,"   
"You do it in the Internet cafe out of town like I told you?"  
"Yes."  
"Hood up?"  
"Yes."  
"Raise your leg with my name tattooed if I was right about the Iran-Contra scandal being linked to John Heinz and John Tower's deaths." Tyler told him, and of course Josh kicked the opposite. He had barely googled it on his phone, but knew it was Tyler's paranoia so he wouldn't have found anything no matter how hard he looked.

Tyler sighed before putting his coffee on the floor and getting a little notebook and pen out of his pocket and scribbling some hasty notes. Josh watched as his best friend's shaky breaths formed small clouds of condensation in the cold October air.

"How was your appointment yesterday?"  
"Wasn't safe,"  
"Didn't go?" Josh presumed.  
"Didn't go," Tyler whispered as he continued scribbling.

"Thought Dr Meaton was safe?"  
"Checked his Facebook again. His daughter has started dating a guy who went to Egypt last year."  
"Remind me what's wrong with Egypt?"  
"The Muslim Brotherhood are in power," he muttered.  
"Who was that guy you got me to research the other day then? Abdel Fattia,"  
"Abdel Fattah al-Sisi," he corrected without looking up from the notebook. "He's the president but he's not in power Josh, he's not. They're controlling him."  
"Right, what's that gotta do with Dr Meaton?" Josh asked and Tyler sighed frustrated, putting the book back in his kangaroo pocket then beginning to use his hands to explain his point.

"Dr Meaton's daughter is dating a guy called Isaac who went to Cairo for 2 weeks last summer. Cairo is filled with members of The Brotherhood, and their goal is to turn the whole world into an Islamist empire. The Brotherhood calls for jihad against the Muslim’s real enemies, not only Israel but also the United States. They claim waging jihad against both of these infidels is a commandment of Allah that cannot be disregarded."  
"Right,"

"They could have radicalised him, warped his mind. The Brotherhood wants America to fall. It tells followers the U.S. is an infidel that does not champion moral and human values and cannot lead humanity."  
"Yeah,"  
"So what if that's what he's trying to do, make America fall. He'll have converted his girlfriend who will have converted Dr Meaton who will convert me. Josh I refuse to be radicalised, and I refuse to have a terrorist trying to destroy my home as a doctor."

"Tyler I think you should get a degree in global politics when you're better."  
"I told you, universities are bureaucracies institutionalising their mindless shells of students, giving them no freedom of thought and approving whatever Marxist tripe they come up with, all just seeking society's glorification of vanity. They create segregation between those deemed intellectually superior and the common folk."  
"So fuck the system?"  
"Fuck the system," Tyler muttered before pulling out his book again and making notes on whatever paranoid conspiracy was on his mind at that moment in time.

Josh relaxed back on the bench, necking the last dregs of his coffee and setting the empty cup down. He looked around, the familiar Columbus skyline thoroughly underwhelming him as per usual. The amount of time he spent on the roof with Tyler was borderline ridiculous, but it was one of the few places where the younger actually felt slightly at ease.

"What's under your hat?" Tyler asked without looking up.  
"Same old," Josh reassured him, taking the beanie off to reveal his red hair and showing him the empty hat before putting it back on.

"Did you take your meds today by any chance?"  
"Poisoned,"  
"Okay. Want Jenna to pick you up some new ones from the chemist?"  
"Don't say her name, they'll hear,"  
"Sorry, but if we got you new ones would you try them?"  
"Don't need them."  
"They'll help with the thoughts Tyler,"  
"You mean they'll stop me thinking about them, they won't stop the things I think about from happening. They'll still happen Josh, and we'll be oblivious, we'll be one step further behind, we'll be in danger and nobody will be able to do anything because it's too late."

"Nothing bad happened when you took them last time, you remember?"  
"June to August. 6 terrorist attacks in the US alone, how can you say nothing bad happened?!"  
"Tyler there were not 6,"  
"June 12th, Orlando nightclub, 50 dead; July 7th, Tennessee, 1 dead 4 injured; same day, Dallas, protest riots, sniper killed 5 police officers and injured a further 8 officers and 2 civilians, and a protester was killed-"  
"Alright Ty, that's enough,"

"So you see what happens when I take the pills?"  
"No, what I'm seeing now is you spending too much time on that website again and not enough time sleeping."  
"That's what Jenna said. You two, you've been talking behind my back again haven't you?! Been conspiring together?!" Tyler began to both panic and get angry.  
"Tyler I talk to her yes, but that's because we're friends - we're not going to hurt you."  
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO!" Tyler suddenly screamed ferociously, kicking over his coffee and crouching to the ground. His face scrunched up as he clenched his jaw angrily, eyes squeezed tightly closed; both his arms raised up to the sides of head, hands grasping tightly onto his hair. The notebook and pen he was holding fell down and into the growing pool of spilt coffee, pages slowly soaking in the liquid.

"Tyler, Tyler listen to me, it's okay, we're safe, we used a secure encrypted line I promise," Josh lied as he climbed off the bench and went over to comfort him. He didn't notice.

"Tyler, your book's getting wet, I'm going to move it unless you tell me not to." He continued, waiting a moment then turning towards the puddle. He was about to pick it up when Tyler suddenly lurched forwards and knocked him over, then picked up the dripping notepad and scurried over to sit behind the bench. Josh groaned a little, then stood up and dusted himself down.

"What can I do to help?" Josh asked, slowly walking over to where Tyler was crying, desperately trying to smooth out the smudged writing.  
"Don't look!" He cried out in between sobs.  
"I'm not looking," Josh reassured him calmly, crouching down a little distance away.  
"The coffee took all my secrets," he wept.  
"The coffee did?"  
"It knows them all," Tyler cried, then suddenly put the book down on the floor next to him and moved quickly back to the puddle, Josh following just behind.

"I need, uh, I I need to hide them, I need to hide them all," he muttered as he began dragging the liquid out with his foot, making the puddle larger but thinner so that it would evaporate quicker.  
"Can I do it too?"  
"You must," he nodded, not wiping his tears away as they dropped from his face and rippled in the brown liquid.  
"Is this fixing it?" Josh asked as he spread the coffee.  
"People might, uh, they might, might collect my secrets from the coffee," Tyler muttered.  
"But this stops them?"  
"Of course," he nodded, then suddenly stopped and stared over at the bench.

"Is there something on the bench Tyler?"  
"Cigarette," he whispered, still staring with wide eyes.  
"Yeah it's mine,"  
"You don't smoke."  
"Trying not to, but I still do. A friend from work offered me the last few of his pack last night and I couldn't resist."  
"That was given to you?!" He exclaimed panicked.  
"Yes, but it's okay, it's from a friend I trust." Josh tried to explain, but Tyler sprinted over to it then put it on the floor and huddled his body over the top so Josh couldn't see what he was doing.

"Tyler, Tyler it's okay, I'll get rid of it if you don't like it." Josh said as he walked over to him, feeling tired from how many times they seemed to be running back and forth on the roof top.

"Tyler, what are you doing?" He asked, and Tyler's head shot up to look at him. The gap where it had been enabled Josh to see that Tyler had cut the cigarette open with a box cutter he still held in his right hand.  
"Looking, I uh, looking for bugs,"  
"Tyler give me the blade."   
"Not finished," Tyler replied, leaning back down and continuing to dissect Josh's cigarette. Meanwhile Josh's mind raced with questions and concerns about the box cutter.

"Tyler, I need you to let me have the blade please." Josh told him calmly but firmly.  
"No!"  
"Tyler, Tyler look at me, the cigarette is just a cigarette, I need you to close the box cutter and slowly give it to me, okay?"  
"It's mine!" He hissed in reply.  
"Where did you get it from Tyler?"  
"The man at the hardware store sold it to me... Oh no, oh no no no no no," he began to hyperventilate, forgetting the cigarette and instead putting both his arms over the top of his head. Josh watched very closely as the blade remained open and near to his skin.

"Tyl-"  
"WHY?! WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?!" Tyler screamed aggressively. "No no no no no, why would you make me, no no no, I trusted him Josh, no, why would you make me doubt him?! No no no no no,"  
"I'm sorry Tyler, but I think it's going to be safest if you put the blade down."  
"Stay away from me!" He begged desperately.  
"No touching, I promise no touching, but I need you to slide the blade across to me so that you don't accidentally hurt yourself."

"I'll, I'll, I'll cut you if you come any closer." Tyler flipped, scaring Josh not because he was intimidating but instead because he was concerned about the sporadic thoughts Tyler seemed to be having.  
"The cigarette is safe, you checked, you don't need the box cutter anymore do you?"   
"Protection,"  
"From me?"  
"From them."  
"I don't work for them, I'm on your side Tyler, we need to work together."  
"A team?" He whispered shakily with a face full of tears.  
"Exactly Ty, we're a team." Josh nodded slowly whilst managing to capture his friend's darting eyes for a moment.

"Can I have the blade please teammate?"   
"I, I, I, I'm, I'm gonna throw it off the roof."  
"Well that might hurt someone Tyler, and you don't want that, so why don't you just slide it across to me and I'll look after it for you?"  
"Why do you want it so bad?!" Tyler panicked and Josh knew that his stance was no longer attacking and it would be easy to tackle him for the blade, but he also knew that Tyler would never even dream of trusting him again and there was also a slim chance he might throw himself off the roof. Mediation it was.

"I want it because this is my roof Ty, and I should be the protector. You're the guest, let me be the protector."  
"Protector?!" He exclaimed tearfully and doubtfully, "You, y-you don't even have a knife!"  
"Exactly, can I have yours please?"  
"Who-wh-who's to say you won't hurt me with it?"  
"Tyler," Josh said softly and again found his tear filled eyes. "It's me, yeah? It's Josh. Would I hurt you?"  
"B-b-but,"  
"Would I ever hurt you?"  
"The bad guys," he whispered terrified.   
"We're a team Ty, you and me, you know deep down that I'm not trying to hurt you."  
"I just- I, I'm sc-a-red," Tyler burst into sobs and Josh sighed then swooped him into a tight hug. At first Tyler flinched and instinctively pulled away, but after a second he collapsed against Josh's chest and melted into him, and thankfully Josh heard the clatter of the box cutter falling to the concrete and he discreetly kicked it behind him.

"I'm on your team Tyler, I always have been and always will be, and I'll support you no matter what, okay?" Josh murmured and he held his friend whilst he wept. "We'll figure this out I promise, we're gonna figure this out,"  
"J-e-nn-a, w-wants, m-me, o-on, the, the, p-pills, but I-I c-an't Josh, I can't,"  
"Well nobody can force you Tyler, at the end of the day it's your choice, but I agree with her. I know you don't like the medication and I know you don't always feel safe with the way they subdue you, but you don't feel safe when you're not on them either, do you?"   
"N-no,"  
"And when you're on the meds it doesn't feel like the bad guys are coming after you, wouldn't that be better?"  
"But th-they, they, they, a-are coming Josh! They are!" Tyler insisted as Josh held him.   
"Okay," he hummed, knowing it was an argument he couldn't win.

"Ty," Josh said a minute later. "You know they're gonna put you in the hospital again if you carry on down this road."  
"I know," the sick man gulped quietly.   
"Do you wanna get admitted again? See if that helps? Because I'll talk to Jenna and see if she can admit you herself rather than waiting till things get worse and your shrink eventually does it."  
"No,"  
"No?"  
"No, not again, I can't, no,"

"You don't want to go into hospital?"   
"No." Tyler shook his head but Josh still hugged him close.   
"Then you know what you've got to do Ty."  
"I hate the meds so much,"  
"It's not just the meds though, it's going to therapy sessions and attending your doctor's appointments and talking to Jenna and me and sleeping properly and staying away from the conspiracy websites that you know make you worse." Josh reminded him. "Looking after yourself Tyler, self care, eating every day, little things like showering and changing your clothes - this is the eighth day in a row you've worn that shirt. Ask Jenna or ask me if you see something and you're not sure if it's real, we can tell you but more than that, we can stay with you and not leave your side till it goes and you're okay again. All the small things that add up to you doing your best to be in the best position to fight."

"Jen, she um," Tyler stepped out of the hug and played with his bruised thumbnail. "She, she said I've gotta get rid of the boards. I've got a week or she's going to do it."  
"Boards? The ones you cover the windows with or the ones you write your theories on?"  
"Windows."  
"Well that's okay Ty. You can always close the curtains if you you're having a hard moment, and this is a good first step."  
"I need them Josh."  
"You want them, you don't need them."  
"I do!"  
"Why do you?"  
"Because, because," he began on the defensive but almost crumbled again when he realised what he was saying.

"Please Josh, help me convince her to let me keep them, they're comforting, soothing, they keep me calm. Please."  
"They're clearly not doing a very good job Ty, and you've got beautiful windows, don't you want the opportunity to see out of them for a change? See your woods?"  
"And an opportunity for the people in the woods to see me."   
"Tyler there's nobody out there, remember? We did a full search with Zack and Jenna and found it to be clear, and we put up all those extra fences with the wires and the sensors and the cameras. There's nobody out there."  
"I've seen them." Tyler insisted and Josh so desperately wanted to convince him that it wasn't real, but knew it was an impossible task without professional and medicinal help.

"I, I, I, I wanna make a deal." Tyler decided a moment later, tear filled eyes darting in a way that Josh didn't trust.   
"A deal? With who, the bad guys?"  
"No, n-no, with you and w-with, and with Jenna."  
"I can't speak on Jenna's behalf, but I'll listen now and I'll discuss it with her later and see what we can compromise on."  
"I, um, okay, I'll take the boards off the windows in the guest bedroom and the guest bathroom and one side of the laundry room, as long as you don't make me go on the meds and you don't send me away again."   
"The meds aren't up to me, you're meant to take them everyday twice a day and that's not a judgement call for us, that's a psychiatrist's prescription that I can't barter with. However, if you take those boards off plus the kitchen boards that face your garden, then I'll promise I'll do some proper research into alternative psych units with better reputations and results for people in your position. At least that way if it does come to hospitalisation, you'll get better help and hopefully be able to cope in the community for longer."

"No." Tyler gulped, taking a shaky step back whilst pulling his hood back up over his face.   
"You're not open to any sort of-"  
"I said no!"  
"Okay, okay, no," Josh nodded slowly. "Tyler, I can talk with Jenna and I can buy you extra time to attempt to get yourself a bit better without professional involvement, but I-"  
"No."  
"But I can't control the police Tyler,"  
"They're, they're, they're bad guys too, please, d-don't, don't turn me in, they'll kill me."  
"I just want you to be aware that you've reached the point where I think they could put you under a psych hold. Remember what we said last time you got sectioned? You asked me to tell you when I thought things were turning sour so that you could fix it without having to leave Jenna to go back to hospital. Well this is me telling you that things are sour, that this road isn't going to end well, that-"  
"I'M NOT GOING BACK!" Tyler screeched desperately, choking on his own terrified sobs and falling to the ground in a heap.

"Ty,"  
"I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not-"  
"If you don't like your usual ward then we'll find you a new one."  
"...going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back," he continued to mutter with a concerned friend knelt by his side.   
"Tyler, if you don't want- Tyler will you listen to me please? I'm trying to help you not go back,"   
"I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back,"  
"Well you have to start taking care of yourself," Josh tried to explain but decided not to waste his breath with the details.   
"I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back,"  
"And if you can't take care of yourself then you have to let Jenna and me have some control,"  
"I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back I'm not going back,"  
"Tyler you will go back if you carry on listening to thoughts rather than me." Josh couldn't help but say firmly, placing his hand on Tyler's shoulder. Of course the hysterical man didn't react well and flinched so hard that he fell to the side, then quickly jumped to his feet and started walking away from Josh.

"I'm not going back I'm not going back I'M NOT GOING BACK!" He screamed as he walked straight off the side of the building.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic CAN be read as a stand alone  
> However, if you'd like to know what happens next, please read my fic Sleep As Deep As Death as this can be read as its prologue


End file.
